I want to share my story of how I knew dieting was no longer for me and what I’m now doing instead. I haven’t been able to fully put my story into words until now. in part because I was still healing.
For years I obsessed over losing weight. Indoctrinating myself into a belief system that if I lost x number of pounds I would be my ideal self. Not only would everyone else love me, but I would love myself, too. I tried every single diet I could get my hands on. Including, immersing myself into a network marketing company that masterfully played on my weaknesses. Through that company, I was sold a perfectly crafted lie. Not only could I have THE PERFECT BODY. I could also have THE PERFECT LIFESTYLE AND BANK ACCOUNT to go with it.
I recruited, I “shared” not sold, because that was the rhetoric we were taught to use. After repeated back-to-back restrictive 30 day systems with claims of losing 5-20 pounds. I didn’t see results to even touch those- I felt like, “WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH ME?” I could coach people to results, but not see them myself? This made no sense, yet I pushed myself harder, got more restrictive. Beat myself up a little bit more.
I would step on the scale and let that number determine my worth for the day. If the number went up, my worth went down. If the number went down, I felt slightly better about myself.
I now know how tragically flawed my logic was.
About 2 years ago, I somehow, someway managed to break away. I stopped drinking daily protein shakes, and I gave my body a break. Just a break, just to see, I told myself. I did the whole 30 and let go of everything artificial and processed. After all, after 5 years of drinking protein shakes daily one might think a body might adapt. The minute I allowed myself an inch of space I began seeing so many things that concerned me. Including repeated integrity break downs within this company.
I thought, I genuinely thought, I was friends with a lot of the people who were my “tribe”. I talked to many of these people daily after all! Yet, many of these people stopped talking to me the minute I stepped away. I’m glad I gave myself space when I did.
One thing is for sure when I look back, I can say with certainty – my body knew before my mind did.
My body knew it was time to TAKE A BREAK before my mind would let myself ease up from the habits I created.
My Transition to Intuitive Eating
The reason I now approach life with a more balanced intuitive guide is that I believe in body-wisdom. I learned to *be still and know*. There is a knowing we all have if we take time to listen to it. That when we tune out of everything else we can TUNE IN to what is going on in our bodies. When we do that we are able to take a step back and give ourselves the freedom to explore, not from a goal of weight loss but from the outcome of having a more full, and beautiful LIFE.
For example, I know, without a doubt if I do not get a good amount of protein in the morning I will feel light-headed, this is not something someone could have told me, this came from evaluation and carefully tuning into my intuition. Diet culture teaches – push past the hunger cues, you’re not really hungry! You are also taught that foods are bad or good when food is actually just neutral. The important thing here is to approach the process and your body without judgment.
To learn to tap into your intuition and press the pause button, check out my new 5-week journaling series called Finding Joy!